As I lie awake in my bed, not sleeping, I wonder what it is that drives my lack of shut eye. I've never had particularly good sleeping habits and can remember rarely sleeping through the night even at a young age. Sometimes, I can blame stress and anxiety. But for the most part, I just can't seem to fall asleep or stay asleep, whatever the case may be and at times, it's both. I think I am just unable to turn my brain off, because even when I do it is a rare occasion for me to experience one of those deep, seemingly dreamless slumbers.
This is not to say I'm a true insomniac despite my self diagnosis of the sleeping disorder. I don't stay awake every single night, though it is more often than not, and the majority of the time I fall asleep for several hours at a time. It's hardly more than four or five hours, however, unless its a weekend and I attempt a sort of sleep catch up.
At times, I feel like it my be self induced and I'm subconsciously keeping myself awake. I'd like to believe though, that I am not a masochist. Whatever the cause may be, I hope my body accepts the bad habit one day and just learns to adapt. Or corrects it. I really would be happy with either outcome.
Rest well, Night Owls. Or as Gregory Maguire would say, "Fresh dreams."
12:38am
